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Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it
was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will
merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for
about 1300 years.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the
overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of
Chanukah was becoming

prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces,
we’re told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality
service during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is
being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids
a-milking being the hardest hit.

As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidl,
currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to “A
great miracle happened there,” the message on the dreidl will be the
more generic “Miraculous s**t happens.” In exchange, it is believed that
Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast

vast merchandising
resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the
sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years
was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies
for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came
last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides
appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of
Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that,
were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between
Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the
holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help
to maintain the competitive balance.

He then closed the press conference
by leading all present in a rousing rendition of “Oy, Come All Ye
Faithful.”

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Just switched to Cablevision iO Digital Cable service. Pretty cool. Seems to be working okay with my TiVo so far. Was hell trying to get it going! First, the cable installer didn’t know how to set up the box with TiVo so he didn’t install the boxes, but wouldn’t leave them for us to install either! I wound up having to go to The Wiz and pick up the boxes myself (which the installer also said we couldn’t do). I got the Den hooked up yesterday and my room today. (Actually reconfiguring my TiVo now)

It’s pretty cool…. I get everything I had and then some! Disney, MTV2, HBO, HBO2-7 or somethin like that, Interactive channels… Even my damn TV has e-mail now 🙂 lol! Yea yea, another web-app coming soon!

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Hmm While I’m posting to my LJ,Some of you have asked what I got for Chanikah this year (as I didn’t give the play by play!) Well, got a buncha money, the 1st season Box Set for Stargate SG-1 and an awesome high-back leather chair..Also some clothes and other tchotchkeys 🙂 pretty cool!!!!! What’d you get? 🙂