I have gotten a pretty good response from the Vince Ate My Balls site so here I am with more on that hysterically funny guy, Vince!
NOTE The following stories are true. The names have NOT been changed (unless otherwise noted)... I found many aspects of Vince's life humerous, or just outrageous, and have gotten his permission to post his mishaps on the web. so sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!
1/29/05 - Pineapple
Accepting a challenge, in Atlantic City, I
took a pineapple from the Buffet one morning. We all got a kick out of it,
even the Waitress found it amusing, but of course with her ok to actually
eat the pineapple, Vince took it upon himself to take the first bite. Now,
most people would have sliced up the pineapple one way or another, but not
Vince. Vince had to dig his teeth right into the side of the pineapple.
1/28/05 - Cation! Hot beverage
Seven years later, Vince is still up to his antics. Since living together
in Hicksville, Vince and I moved on our own ways, but vince has not
changed much. In an attempt to keep his coffee warm and his hands cool, vince insullated
his coffee cup with layers of duct tape and napkins. Not only did he
insulate the sides of his cup, but the top and bottom too, leaving just a
small hole to drink through.
8/16/98 - Slick Slinky
Vince has a tendancy to destroy any physical matter he touches. This
incident happened today a few minutes ago (it's 6:00 PM now)...Vince
picked up Carmine's slinky and started twirling it around. Eventually
managed to grapple it around the leg of our kitchen table! It's at this
point I informed him it was Carmine's slinky. "Oh no!" he exclaimed..He
began unraveling it. "Oh no! Oh, no! This is terrible, Oh no!" was all
that came out of his mouth. Finally he gets it out. but there's a twist.
He gets the twist out, and then, pulls it out, and the other end twists.
"Oh no!, Oh no!"... Finally, he gets all the twists out and stretches the
slinky out to double check itt. Behold, no more twists. He releases the
slimky only to find it stretched oout beyond all hope! "Oh no!, Oh no!"
FInally, he finds the masking tape, and tapes the inside of the slinky so
it looks like it's still holding together in perfect condition. Carmine
wasn't to happy :)...
4/7/98 - Don't get burned!
Tonight, vince was cooking. (what he was cooking is a mystery to
everyone!)... Well, Dave and Carmine were in Carmine's room when they
heard a crash and a loud yell! Well, upon arrival in the kitchen they saw
vince and a cooking sheet on the floor. "I forgot I preheated the oven"
exclaimed vince...
NEW 3/25/98 - True
Love
You can expect some great new Vince Stories to pop up. Vince has started
hanging out with his ex girlfriends again, so now we can get some more
crazy things that he's done! For example...
As Jessica walked by, she saw Vincse staring at her with his draw dropped as if he had never seen a woman before. Vince said to her "Hi. My name is Juan." She didn't think he looked like a juan, after all, he's italian not hispanic. "Juan Valdez. My mule is parked in the student lot. Would you model nude for me for the student photo contest"
Well, this is how Vince met his girlfriend. They went out for two years then Vince dissapeared from her life until recently. Literally! He moved to Long Island, Changed his phone number and beeper number, and didn't speak to her for about 2 or 3 years after that.
Automotive Anatomy
This one was told to me by a friend of mine, a Mechanic. When working on
Vince's brakes, he asked vince to step on the break. Can you guess why the
motor started to rev as this happened? Is Vince dislexic, or perhaps just
doesn't know which is the gas and which is the break.
Teapot Trouble
Vince loves to make tea... Everything from regular lipton tea bags
to fancy flavored teas! Well, one day Vince decided he wanted to make
a pot of tea. He filled the tea kettle with water and placed it on the
stove. He proceded into the living room and went to sleep on the couch.
Carmine (our housemate) came into the kitchen waking me up when he yelled,
"Vince, Come here!"... I was quite displeased to find out that he
called vince because the teapot had melted! There was tefflon stuck to the
burner (and there still is to this day) and the plastic handle of the
teapot was bubbling.. Vince is now banned from the Oven and Stove!
Toaster Tricks
Just a quick question...Most people put the butter on the bagel AFTER
they toast it right? Well as a result of setting the toaster on fire,
Vince is banned from that too!
Fireplace Frollic
Vince is a great guy. Very caring, Very romantic. He was planning a great
evening with his woman (one of many). It was to be a night of passion
sitting watching television in front of the fireplace...At least thats
what it should have been like! Vince went out and got those TimberLog
things. I went out to get some stuff (and a birthday present for Vince).
As i walked into the door I was overwhelmed by smoke! While Vince DID
open the fireplace, he never actually checked wether or not the fireplace
had been cleaned out! It took us about 20 minutes to clear out all the
smoke. Yes, you can guess it. He's not allowed to use the fireplace now!
Laundry Love
I just wanted to drop in a note saying I wonder why no matter how
much of his laundry we [carmine and myself] do, there's always a
pile of it on the floor in our laundry room. Yet, never in the laundry
basket. Hmm...This may be a good time to bring up the random clothing
laying in the living room... Hanging up in the kitchen... And in the
bathroom....
Superman vs. White Castle
Let me begin by telling you that Vince is Superman... He actually believes
he can fly (well, he could when he was in better shape!) and cannot
be touched by bullets. He can see right through solid objects thanks
to his x-ray vision!
With that out of the way, allow me to proceed with my story. One night
Vince and I went to a club. I was driving so Vince was drinking. Well,
he had plenty to drink (and picked up many girls telling them he was Superman,
and not Vince which I dont understand, but thats another story). So on the
way home, we stopped at White Castle for a bit to eat. As we walked in,
a bunch of kids sitting in the back exclaimed, "Look! Superman just walked in"
"See! They know who I am!" cried Vince!
Okay, one detail I left out. Vince was wearing a white button down shirt, open, with a Superman shirt underneath. Well, vince proceded to make "superman" comments and the people in the White Castl ejust laughed at him. He then proceded to hit on a few prostitutes that happened to be there. Of course he had know Idea they were prostitutes.... He walked over to one of them saying, "Nice tatoo. I saw it from all the way over there using my x-ray vision!"...
In Touch With His Feminine Side
I just want to note that Vince is in touch with his feminine side.
he spends most of his time (and money) on feminine beauty products
such as feminine body sprays and bath oils and hair products. We're
beginning to wonder about him. This and the 3+ showers a day are
quite odd...
More To Come...
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